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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29179965">the distance between us</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/iyuutas/pseuds/iyuutas'>iyuutas</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, F/M, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Other, Unrequited Love</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 13:03:11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,534</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29179965</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/iyuutas/pseuds/iyuutas</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“You weren’t supposed to find out.”</p><p>Your unrequited love for Sakusa grows bigger while the rest of your friends think that you will make a great couple. This goes on for years with you being satisfied with just being his friend until your biggest secret is revealed.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sakusa Kiyoomi &amp; Reader, Sakusa Kiyoomi/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>66</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>the distance between us</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><strong>IN THE DARKNESS</strong>, you found peace. You floated in the caliginous abyss deeper than any chasm and canyon which existed—the neverending space offered you a semblance of comfort, yet a drip of fear still flowed in your veins.</p><p>It was a wondrous place for an entity like you; cold, detached and deprived of love.</p><p>Pause. What <em>were</em> you?</p><p>You were a survivor, living and depending on yourself for years; needing only no one else’s validation and affection. Others would compare you to a snow leopard who adapted to the harsh conditions and sharpened fangs and claws. You were destined to be alone, but sometimes, just a few times, you wondered what it would be to have a companion with you in the lonely terrain. You hadn’t experienced love, but you were curious to find out how it felt.</p><p>And perhaps, your curiosity had led you to your downfall.</p><p>Your heart which initially pumped for your survival started to beat harder whenever you were in his vicinity. You stumbled into the male leopard’s territory, and you became his, but he was never yours. It was the most miserable emotion which had embedded deep into your skin and chained your aching soul that reached out for him; the repeating cycle only continued with the snow falling harder as you headed for the summit.</p><p>Amid the strong gusts of howling wind, you could hear how his voice carried so many emotions, which no one could pinpoint his true feelings except for you—or so you thought. They came in fireworks, each igniting into colourful explosions with a thundering noise that resounded in their hearts, before fading away into silence.</p><p>Kiyoomi Sakusa was a beautiful man, perhaps the most beautiful one you had ever seen in your life. A wistful smile remained on your face as he bade you goodbye and walked away with his friends—they were heading to their volleyball practice, so you had to split up with him as usual.</p><p>“Still pining after him?” your friend questioned, watching their disappearing figures before turning back at you. Your attraction was obvious to anyone except for the man himself; he had brushed off any rumours and speculations circulating, even demanding his friends to stop with their nonsensical jokes.</p><p>After all, he couldn’t imagine his best friend having a crush on him.</p><p>You had no choice but to be satisfied with that title—it was as far as you could get. His best friend. No amount of pleas and prayers would make your wish come true.</p><p>You didn’t reply, but she knew your answer anyways. Yes, you were still harbouring a deep affection for him. There was no escape from the void, and you weren’t sure if you want to do it—if it meant spiralling into the swirling madness of love for Sakusa, you would accept it.</p><p>“Stop chasing after him, [Name], save yourself from the heartbreak. How long are you going to hurt yourself because of him?” she asked and swatted your arm for your attention.</p><p>Your eyes flitted back to her and gave a tight-lipped smile in return. “It’s fine. I can’t stop my feelings just like that. It’s not easy when we see each other every day.”</p><p>She sighed and shook her head in disappointment; the action punched you in the guts, but you forced yourself to maintain the smile on your face. She was disappointed by your choice; everyone always looked at you with that same expression: pity. They all tried to persuade you that you were throwing your life for a mere boy, but you knew all along. Of course you knew that, you pitied yourself the most.</p><p>“You deserve someone who will actually look at you and treat you well, [Name], someone who loves you in return.”</p><p>You shrugged, “The heart wants what it wants.”</p><p>“What is it so good about him in the first place? He’s just another tall volleyball player who has a typical brooding appearance and…” After some time, you tuned out her rant—she tended to rattle when she got too heated, and you weren’t in the mood to hear her scoldings again—you understood that it was impossible to be with him, but you didn’t want to accept it.</p><p>Her voice gradually stopped and you huffed in frustration, finally, you got a chance to talk. “I told you, I can’t just magically stop liking Kiyoomi just like that.” You were going to continue, but the continuous tapping on your hand made you stop. Your eyes dragged from the floor to the shadow that hovered above you, widening as you took in the familiar features of the male.</p><p>“<em>Kiyoomi</em>.” Words spilt out of your mouth like a torrential downpour trying to wipe the dirt away from the ground. You hadn’t expected him to come back when he left just a few minutes ago. “Kiyoomi- I- You weren’t supposed to find out about it.”</p><p>To anyone, it might not look like he was affected by your words—how much did he hear anyway?—but you could see the clear confusion in his eyes. He was distraught. Your friend leaned towards you, her breath tickling your ears as she whispered that she would be giving you two the time to talk, and sent you one last look before scampering away.</p><p>You barely registered her words until he called for you again. “[Name].” His voice sent shivers up your spine, though it was different than any occasion, you predicted what he would say next and bit your lower lip. “How long have you felt like that?”</p><p>At first, you refused to meet his eyes and reply to his question, until he dropped down to his knees and tilted your chin to look at him. You weren’t surprised at his actions; he was always lenient towards you, and perhaps that fed your imagination too much.</p><p>His mask had covered the lower half of his face so you could only imagine what his expressions would be like. Would he be biting his lower lips? Wetting his lips with his tongue? You never found out. Unfortunately for you, your emotions were shown on display, letting your vulnerability seep through the cracks of your facade.</p><p>“Since high school.” Sakusa had to strain to hear your meek whisper. His eyes dulled, letting his hand drop back to his sides, it removed the warmth that you loved and the coldness had returned, reminding you of the inescapable reality.</p><p>“I see,” he sighed out. “[Name], I—”</p><p>“Don’t.” You interjected before he could continue. You knew what his reply would be like anyway, and you wanted to save yourself from further embarrassment. “I don’t want to hear it straight from you. I—” You cleared your throat and averted your eyes so you wouldn’t see the emotions swirling in his eyes. “I already know… So please, spare me from the rejection.”</p><p>He didn’t reply for a while, pondering on what to say. Would it be a consolation? An apology? Would your friendship sour to the point of no return? Would you lose your companion who had been with you since your childhood? A sudden fear struck your heart. His presence provided you comfort, the only source of light in this godforsaken world, and you ruined your chances of staying with him.</p><p>All because of your uncontrollable feelings, the world was threatening to cave in.</p><p>“I’m sorry, I need to say this. You are an important person in my life, and I’m sorry for hurting you like this. Love is something that I’m not looking for right now.” Biting on your lips, you still refused to look at him, resorting to nodding your head in acknowledgement. A sorrowful smile broke through your features as you stood up, your head coming up to his shoulders and you finally craned to look at him.</p><p>He hadn’t broken his gaze from you, though it only worsened the pain in your heart. His eyes were on you, but he didn’t see you as anything else other than his reliable best friend. You could only be satisfied with that title, and see another person clinching the spot that you desperately wanted.</p><p>You weren’t even sure if you could talk to him like usual. Was your friendship ruined?</p><p>“It’s okay, Kiyoomi, I’ve never expected anything in the first place.” A hand reached out to him, as though you wanted to comfort him and shield him from the world, but then you stopped and wondered to yourself, protect him from what exactly? From yourself? The raging leopard who could only climb up to the summit, knowing that there was nothing left but death waiting?</p><p>Your hand fell as did your expression, and you gave a shaky laugh in response. “Um, I’ll be going if there isn’t anything else.” You lifted the corners of your lips to form a fake smile that was clear to him as well. “We should take some time to process this and I wouldn’t blame you if you feel uncomfortable being friends with me.”</p><p>“[Name], wait—”</p><p>“Goodbye, Kiyoomi. You are my greatest friend, and I will always treasure the times we had together, even if they are just memories from now on.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi there! It’s my first time posting here so i’m quite unfamiliar with the system but i’ll learn more as time passes :’)</p><p>I hope you enjoyed it!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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